last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
