Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
