Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
