the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
