How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
