At least make sure they are 18
Why
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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