Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
