My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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