you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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