Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
