trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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