Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
