Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
