I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
