I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
