i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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