My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
