Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
