mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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