at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
