last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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