I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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