why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize