Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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