Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
