I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
