I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
