There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
