God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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