Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
