guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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