OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
