i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize