i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The best revenge is premature balding
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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