he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
