Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
