Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
