Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize