I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
