How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And then he peed in my hair
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