Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
