yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
