my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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