If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
