So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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