And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
