My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
