So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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