omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
