she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
