I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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