I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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