Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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