The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
