I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He passed out mid-signature
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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