She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
