Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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