I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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