so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize