she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
