do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
