why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
