Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
