So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
