Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i love accidental penises.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
