My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize