Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
