i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
