If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
