So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
