I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
