my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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