All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
