And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize