if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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