Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
