just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
