Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
