so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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