Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
