We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
