bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
