Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
