Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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