Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
