Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
