____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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