I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
